on my mind

do you ever just look around and wonder: what the fuck is my life?synchronicity is so personal; how do people handle so many emotions, I’m beginning to see how some say that emotions can be fun, I guess it’s because they make you feel vulnerable and human; what. a. summer. this has definitely been, I wonder how I will see this summer when I look back at it in the future; in the past I’ve complained about people who have no personality but sometimes I have the same worry about myself, like sometimes I feel so susceptible to change, I feel so malleable and impressionable that I question whether or not I have a core or what’s at the core or, y’know, why am I seemingly so easily molded and what has the power to mold me, why do some people have such a strong impact on me and then other people have such inconsequential effects on me, but I think I know that I really am the determinant and not any other external factor; sometimes I feel so stuck in my head and isolated and detached; stability and certainty and lack thereof; and I wonder how much of everything is in my head and so how much of that is fabricated, how valid is that; holistic approaches, scripts, being wholly oneself, expectations and disappointments and preparation, the hopeless romantic vs utilitarian realist predicament, playlists; Swallowed in the Sea by Coldplay is playing right now, the significance of the X&Y album, flashbacks; being grateful; being apprehensive. 

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve. And once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you’re through will all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.
Can’t say that I agree with all of these sentiments wholeheartedly, but I think it brings up some things to ponder about.
on my mind

began learning uke last thursday after encountering inspiration, love can be so irrational I don’t understand how people let it happen, picnic picnic picnic, accomplishments or lack thereof, what a crazy month like really July has thus far been quite remarkable and potentially even catalyzing or momentous, really need to urinate, I’ve been hydrating a lot, phew, my thoughts and opinions are so incredibly liable to change it gives me both comfort and apprehension, and I’d say it is true that others’ minds are thus very capable of changing too, Spotify playlists, Such Great Heights is playing and I love this song, Zen buddhism, breathing, meditation, Harmless Harvest serendipity, cabernet sauvignon and cakeballs SIGH, picnic, competence, receipts are littering my desk, Imperative, care is multifarious, hope I don’t drink too much, responsibilities, school, adult life, panic, I think I have the potential to make a decent housewife but I know that that would give me negligible self-satisfaction, the future is terrifying, honesty and sincerity 

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